


Plot generators write you some oumasai oneshots

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY FOR MYSELF, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 11:53:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16428887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: So I entered some information into aplot generatorand it wrote me a oneshot...Update I’m making more and you can’t stop meI’m joking someone please stop meBefore it’s too late





	1. Two gay uncles laughing to the beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I did it again

Ouma Kokichi was thinking about Saihara Shuichi again. Saihara was a peculiar banana with emo toenails and white pubes.

Ouma Kokichi walked over to the window and reflected on his ugly surroundings. He had always loved scary Up Miu’s Buttox with its tasteless, tough thicc thighs. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel loving.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather some _one_. It was the a peculiar figure of Saihara Shuichi.

Ouma Kokichi gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a considerate, loving, wine drinker with gay toenails and edgy pubes. His friends saw him as a tasteless, tough the devil. Once, he had even rescued a hot Kiibo from a burning building.

But not even a considerate person who had once rescued a hot Kiibo from a burning building, was prepared for what Saihara had in store today.

The moon shone like touching himself badgers, making Ouma Kokichi puzzled. Ouma Kokichi grabbed a sexy gun that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Ouma Kokichi stepped outside and Saihara came closer, he could see the enchanting smile on his face.

"I am here because I want your underwear," Saihara bellowed, in a clever tone. He slammed his fist against Ouma Kokichi's chest, with the force of 9872 goldfish. "I frigging love you, Ouma Kokichi ."

Ouma Kokichi looked back, even more puzzled and still fingering the sexy gun. "Saihara, “gimme them panties”," he replied.

They looked at each other with calm feelings, like two high-pitched, hurt humming birds rampaging at a very down to earth gay rights protest, which had piano music playing in the background and two funny uncles laughing to the beat.

Ouma Kokichi regarded Saihara's emo toenails and white pubes. He held out his hand. "Let's not fight," he whispered, gently.

"Hmph," pondered Saihara.

"Please?" begged Ouma Kokichi with puppy dog eyes.

Saihara looked shocked, his body blushing like a hushed, healthy hawk.

Then Saihara came inside for a nice glass of wine.

THE END


	2. Floofy haired furby

This is a screenplay script btw

* * *

 

**INT. OUMA’S BASEMENT - AFTERNOON**

Timid ultimate detective SAIHARA SAIHARA SHUICHI is arguing with cunning ultimate pianist KAEDE KAEDE AKAMATSU. SAIHARA tries to hug KAEDE but she shakes him off.

 

SAIHARA  
Please Kaede, don't leave me.

 

 

KAEDE  
I'm sorry Saihara, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.

 

 

SAIHARA  
I am such a person!

 

KAEDE frowns.

 

KAEDE  
I'm sorry, Saihara. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

 

KAEDE leaves.

SAIHARA sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, sweet ultimate surpreme leader KOKICHI OUMA KOKICHI barges in looking flustered.

 

SAIHARA  
Goodness, Ouma! Is everything okay?

 

 

OUMA  
I'm afraid not.

 

 

SAIHARA  
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

 

 

OUMA  
It's ... a Furby ... I saw an evil Furby vore a bunch of subscribers!

 

 

SAIHARA  
 _Defenseless_ subscribers?

 

 

OUMA  
Yes, defenseless subscribers!

 

 

SAIHARA  
Bloomin' heck, Ouma! We've got to do something.

 

 

OUMA  
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

 

 

SAIHARA  
You can start by telling me where this happened.

 

 

OUMA  
I was...

 

OUMA fans himself and begins to wheeze.

 

SAIHARA  
Focus Ouma, focus! Where did it happen?

 

 

OUMA  
Nagito Komaeda’s Browser History! That's right - Nagito Komaeda’s Browser History!

 

SAIHARA springs up and begins to run.

 

**EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS**

SAIHARA rushes along the street, followed by OUMA. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

 

**INT. NAGITO KOMAEDA’S BROWSER HISTORY - SHORTLY AFTER**

NAGITO KOMAEDA a floofy haired Furby terrorises two subscribers.

SAIHARA, closely followed by OUMA, rushes towards NAGITO, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

 

OUMA  
What is is? What's the matter?

 

 

SAIHARA  
That's not just any old Furby, that's Nagito Komaeda!

 

 

OUMA  
Who's Nagito Komaeda?

 

 

SAIHARA  
Who's Nagito Komaeda? _Who's Nagito Komaeda?_ Only the most floofy haired Furby in the universe!

 

 

OUMA  
Blinkin' knickers, Saihara! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most floofy haired Furby in the universe!

 

 

SAIHARA  
You can say that again.

 

 

OUMA  
Blinkin' knickers, Saihara! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most floofy haired Furby in the universe!

 

 

SAIHARA  
I'm going to need sore wa chigau yo, lots of sore wa chigau yo.

 

Nagito turns and sees Saihara and Ouma. He grins an evil grin.

 

NAGITO  
Saihara Shuichi, we meet again.

 

 

OUMA  
You've met?

 

 

SAIHARA  
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

 

 

**EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME**

A young SAIHARA is sitting in a park listening to some vocaloid music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees NAGITO. He takes off his headphones.

 

NAGITO  
Would you like some Kokichi’s coochie?

 

SAIHARA's eyes light up, but then he studies NAGITO more closely, and looks uneasy.

 

SAIHARA  
I don't know, you look kind of floofy haired.

 

 

NAGITO  
Me? No. I'm not floofy haired. I'm the least floofy haired Furby in the world.

 

 

SAIHARA  
Wait, you're a Furby?

 

SAIHARA runs away, screaming.

 

**INT. NAGITO KOMAEDA’S BROWSER HISTORY - PRESENT DAY**

 

NAGITO  
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

 

 

OUMA  
(To SAIHARA) You ran away?

 

 

SAIHARA  
(To OUMA) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

 

SAIHARA turns to NAGITO.

 

SAIHARA  
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

 

SAIHARA runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

 

SAIHARA  
I mean, I _am_ running away, but I'll be back - _with sore wa chigau yo_.

 

 

NAGITO  
I'm not scared of you.

 

 

SAIHARA  
You should be.

 

 

**EXT. A SCARY PLACE - LATER THAT DAY**

SAIHARA and OUMA walk around searching for something.

 

SAIHARA  
I feel sure I left my sore wa chigau yo somewhere around here.

 

 

OUMA  
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly sore wa chigau yo.

 

 

SAIHARA  
You know nothing Ouma Kokichi.

 

 

OUMA  
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

 

Suddenly, NAGITO appears, holding a pair of sore wa chigau yo.

 

NAGITO  
Looking for something?

 

 

OUMA  
Crikey, Saihara, he's got your sore wa chigau yo.

 

 

SAIHARA  
Tell me something I don't already know!

 

 

OUMA  
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

 

 

SAIHARA  
I know that already!

 

 

OUMA  
I nut to anime girls.

 

 

NAGITO  
(appalled) Dude!

 

While NAGITO is looking at OUMA with disgust, SAIHARA lunges forward and grabs his deadly sore wa chigau yo. He wields them, triumphantly.

 

SAIHARA  
Prepare to die, you floofy haired uwu!

 

 

NAGITO  
No please! All I did was vore a bunch of subscribers!

 

KAEDE enters, unseen by any of the others.

 

SAIHARA  
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those subscribers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Saihara Shuichi defender of innocent subscribers.

 

 

NAGITO  
Don't hurt me! Please!

 

 

SAIHARA  
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these sore wa chigau yo on you right away!

 

 

NAGITO  
Because Saihara, I am your father.

 

SAIHARA looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

 

SAIHARA  
No you're not!

 

 

NAGITO  
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

 

NAGITO tries to grab the sore wa chigau yo but SAIHARA dodges out of the way.

 

SAIHARA  
Who's the daddy now? Huh? _Huh?_

 

Unexpectedly, NAGITO slumps to the ground.

 

OUMA  
Did he just faint?

 

 

SAIHARA  
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly sore wa chigau yo.

 

SAIHARA crouches over NAGITO's body.

 

OUMA  
Be careful, Saihara. It could be a trick.

 

 

SAIHARA  
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Nagito Komaeda is dead!

 

 

SAIHARA  
What?

 

 

SAIHARA  
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.

 

OUMA claps his hands.

 

OUMA  
So your sore wa chigau yo did save the day, after all.

 

KAEDE steps forward.

 

KAEDE  
Is it true? Did you kill the floofy haired Furby?

 

 

SAIHARA  
Kaede how long have you been...?

 

KAEDE puts her arm around SAIHARA.

 

KAEDE  
Long enough.

 

 

SAIHARA  
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Nagito Komaeda.

 

 

KAEDE  
Then the subscribers are safe?

 

 

SAIHARA  
It does seem that way!

 

A crowd of vulnerable subscribers enter, looking relived.

 

KAEDE  
You are their hero.

 

The subscribers bow to SAIHARA.

 

SAIHARA  
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Nagito Komaeda will never vore subscribers ever again, is enough for me.

 

 

KAEDE  
You are humble as well as brave!

 

One of the subscribers passes SAIHARA a shiny kiibo

 

KAEDE  
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

 

 

SAIHARA  
I couldn't possibly.

 

Pause.

 

SAIHARA  
Well, if you insist.

 

SAIHARA takes the kiibo.

 

SAIHARA  
Thank you.

 

The subscribers bow their heads once more, and leave.

SAIHARA turns to KAEDE.

 

SAIHARA  
Does this mean you want me back?

 

 

KAEDE  
Oh, Saihara, of course I want you back!

 

SAIHARA smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

 

SAIHARA  
Well you can't have me.

 

 

KAEDE  
 _WHAT?_

 

 

SAIHARA  
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a Furby to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

 

 

KAEDE  
But...

 

 

SAIHARA  
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Ouma.

 

OUMA grins.

 

KAEDE  
But...

 

 

OUMA  
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

 

 

KAEDE  
Saihara?

 

 

SAIHARA  
I'm sorry Kaede, but I think you _should_ skidaddle.

 

KAEDE leaves.

OUMA turns to SAIHARA.

 

OUMA  
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

 

 

SAIHARA  
Of course you are!

 

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly OUMA stops.

 

OUMA  
When I said I nut to anime girls, you know I was just trying to distract the Furby don't you?

 

 

THE END

* * *

 


	3. Kokichi and Shuichi a steamy love story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me

Saihara Shuichi is a clownlike, skinny and creative ultimate surpreme leader from Tumblr. His life is going nowhere until he meets Kokichi Ouma, a fabulous, bizarre man with a passion for lies.

Saihara takes an instant disliking to Kokichi and the scheming and self indulgent ways he learnt during his years in Reddit.

However, when a gamer girl tries to abandon Saihara, Kokichi springs to the rescue. Saihara begins to notices that Kokichi is actually rather special at heart.

But, the pressures of Kokichi's job as a detective leave him blind to Saihara's affections and Saihara takes up vore to try an distract himself.

Finally, when jokester blogger, Miu Iruma, threatens to come between them, Kokichi has to act fast. But will they ever find the gay love that they deserve?


	4. Saihara Shuichi and the two suggestive furries

Once upon a time there was a Precious boy called Saihara Shuichi. He was on the way to see his boyfriend ouma kokichi, when he decided to take a short cut through Tumblr.

It wasn't long before Saihara got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Kiibo, but Kiibo was nowhere to be found! Saihara began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Kiibo. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a Suggestive furry dressed in a CheckerEd Underwear disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Saihara.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed furry. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Saihara reached a clearing. In the clearing were three houses, one made from Vore, one made from YouTube comments and one made from Nagito Komaeda.

Saihara could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Saihara looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a _whole_ house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Saihara a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Kiibo!

"Kiibo!" shouted Saihara. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give Kiibo back!" cried Saihara.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let Kiibo out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, two Suggestive furries rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Saihara recognised the one in the CheckerEd Underwear that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Furry," said the witch.

"Good morning." The furry noticed Kiibo. "Who is this?"

"That's Kiibo," explained the witch.

"Ooh! Kiibo would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the furry.

The witch shook her head. "Kiibo is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Saihara interrupted. "Kiibo lives with me! And _not_ in a cage!"

Big Furry ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Furry looked at the house made from Nagito Komaeda and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire _house_ made from Nagito Komaeda if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next furry. "I could eat _two_ houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Kiibo."

Saihara watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Kiibo to Big Furry. He didn't think Kiibo would like living with a Suggestive furry, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other one furries watched while Big Furry put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Furry. "Just you watch!"

Big Furry pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from YouTube comments. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

Eventually, Big Furry started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of YouTube comments, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Furry.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Furry never finished eating the front door made from YouTube comments and Kiibo remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Furry stepped up, and approached the house made from Nagito Komaeda.

 

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Furry. "Just you watch!"

Average Furry pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from Nagito Komaeda. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After a while, Average Furry started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

   ...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a furry!" said Average Furry.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Furry, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the furry away under his arm.

Average Furry never finished eating the front door made from Nagito Komaeda and Kiibo remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Kiibo."

"Not so fast," said Saihara. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from Vore. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the furries. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Saihara.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Kiibo back."

Saihara ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from Vore and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Saihara sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Saihara. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Saihara's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from Vore. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Saihara was down to the final piece of the door made from Vore. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Saihara had eaten the entire front door of the house made from Vore.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward _cheating_!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Kiibo or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Saihara hurried over and grabbed Kiibo, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Kiibo was unharmed.

Saihara thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet ouma. It was starting to get dark.

When Saihara got to ouma's house, his boyfriend threw his arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried ouma. "You are _very_ late."

As Saihara described his day, he could tell that ouma didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked ouma.

Saihara unwrapped a doorknob made from YouTube comments. "Pudding!" he said.

ouma almost fell off his chair.

The End


	5. Two gay uncles laughing to the beat

Saihara Shuichi had always hated surreal dorm room with its ugliest, united unsettling atmosphere. It was a place where he felt ambivalent.

He was a brave, special, coffee drinker with short fingers and scrawny lips. His friends saw him as a proud, pongy pure cinnamon roll. Once, he had even helped a rare dead body cross the road. That's the sort of man he was.

Saihara walked over to the window and reflected on his dull surroundings. The ambient teased like sleeping lizards.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Ouma Kokichi. Ouma was a compulsive liar liar with emo fingers and purple-haired lips.

Saihara gulped. He was not prepared for Ouma.

As Saihara stepped outside and Ouma came closer, he could see the mouldy glint in his eye.

Ouma gazed with the affection of 1893 deceiving fluffy foxes. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want affection."

Saihara looked back, even more surprised and still fingering the tattered K1b0. "Ouma, “It’s going to be okay”," he replied.

They looked at each other with anxious feelings, like two tense, tall toads chatting at a very anxious killing game, which had indie music playing in the background and two worried uncles smiling to the beat.

Saihara studied Ouma's emo fingers and purple-haired lips. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," began Saihara in apologetic tones, "but I don't feel the same way, and I never will. I just don't love you Ouma."

Ouma looked lonely, his emotions raw like a ripe, round razor.

Saihara could actually hear Ouma's emotions shatter into 2107 pieces. Then the compulsive liar liar hurried away into the distance.

Not even a cup of coffee would calm Saihara's nerves tonight.

THE END


End file.
